Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
