So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
