Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

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  (908): everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries http://tfl.nu/l93m
  Replies (24) Good night (729) Bad night (2139)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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  (617): Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed http://tfl.nu/d8dr
  Replies (15) Good night (3428) Bad night (1166)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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  (580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt
  Replies (31) Good night (6171) Bad night (1025)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I wish I had your problem

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  (319): I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women (319): I wish I had your problem http://tfl.nu/60uu
  Replies (11) Good night (4669) Bad night (991)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.

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  (508): my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together. http://tfl.nu/95cx
  Replies (17) Good night (5061) Bad night (1270)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.

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  (973): Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick. http://tfl.nu/r63g
  Replies (7) Good night (946) Bad night (3759)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.

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  (417): I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat. http://tfl.nu/8r9j
  Replies (32) Good night (1316) Bad night (7299)
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  (707): View more from California

  Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.

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  (707): Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive. http://tfl.nu/ly82
  Replies (6) Good night (3217) Bad night (1069)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

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  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3777) Bad night (979)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.

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  (443): The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts. http://tfl.nu/2k5o
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (902)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham

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  (603): We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham http://tfl.nu/9szh
  Replies (7) Good night (979) Bad night (379)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.

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  (904): I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends. http://tfl.nu/6wle
  Replies (3) Good night (940) Bad night (366)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.

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  (262): In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise. http://tfl.nu/9a8z
  Replies (5) Good night (519) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?

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  (850): I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now? http://tfl.nu/f3ul
  Replies (4) Good night (664) Bad night (383)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.

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  (215): Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit. http://tfl.nu/8h56
  Replies (3) Good night (402) Bad night (730)

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