Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.