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• (563): View more from Iowa

  his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.

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• (626): View more from California

  Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots

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• (818): View more from California

  The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it

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  Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.

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  23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.

  (817): View more from Texas

  4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.

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