maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass