Don't make out with my wife yet
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.