Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?