I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter