I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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