his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.