tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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