Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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