You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
