So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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