The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
