while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
