saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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