I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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