I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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