There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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