I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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