He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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