Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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