I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
