my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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