I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
