I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
