IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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