eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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