That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
