Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
