i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
