I'm going to jail i love you
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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