so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
