Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
