yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
