too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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