what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
