He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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