the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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