I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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