...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
