I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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