He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
