I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
