You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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