No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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