and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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