I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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