you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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