You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
