i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
