Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
