we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
