so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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