At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
