so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
