Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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