I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
