just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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