I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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