East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Congratulations! We have a period
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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