I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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