i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
