Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
