I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
