The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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