I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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