Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
